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Name: llcb New Member   Title: how to make the first move

how do I make the first move?we have had this dicussion many times about separating, but when it comes down to it neither one of us wants to hurt the kids or tell them, but our marraige is over, how do 'I' make the first move without the guilt??

Name: Dredy72 New Member

That is a hard questions. Making the move...hmm. I'm new to this internet thing and found this site. I have been married for 4 years and my wife and I are not very compatible. Sad it took us 4 years to see this. Problem is, I just don't know how and when to make the first move. I think she knows we are not happy, lol. Yea that sounds weird but no one ever wants to be the first one to actually say it. I have researched the divorce4her site posted here and I am really ready to do this. Wish me luck everyone, this might be the weekend I take that major step to freedom. Thanks for the posts.

Dre

Name: Suebean55 New Member

This is always a difficult question, lol. How do I make the first move. I honestly don't think there is a special way or an easy way to make the first move. I did my research before trying to make my first move. I am really happy to see that others are going the no lawyer route. I too went through divorce4her.com. I referred my sister and a couple of her friends as well. Why should a divorce cost an arm and a leg? When the time is right you'll know. It'll be clear as day. Good Luck.

Sue

Name: RecordRoller72 New Member

I can definitely identify. My wife and I had been separated for 3 years before recently, I decided to legalize it and file for a divorce. It was hard moving out. I have 4 young children and it's not that I didn't love their mom. She and I just weren't meant to be anymore. I wanted to stay for my babies but I couldn't live a lie and then resent their mother or them for having to be here. I thought it would be best for my kids and I will still be in their lives. I moved out which was extremely hard but I had enough. Then 3 years later, last Monday as a matter of fact, I decided to begin the process to make it official. I filed for a divorce in which I'm doing on my own. No lawyer, no expensive fees. Can't beat it. http://www.divorce4her.com/testimonies.html. Not just for ladies, lol. Good luck, you will know when it's right. It's a gut feeling. Don't ignore it.

Shawn

Name: llcb New Member

that's for your input .... we have gone through couselling although he requires more - anger management however he outright refuses, and we have talked about separation a few times, we are 'separated' emotionally and physically already. we have been contemplating this for at least 4 years. we discussed staying in our home for the sake of the kids but I feel I am losing myself respect and resenting him (for many reasons) and thus filled with anger and taking it out on the kids (2 kids 8 + 10yrs). I know what is right - separating that is, but my heart goes to the kids. I would love the stay in our house but cannot financially. we have talked about staying in the area and close to one another to keep kids in same school and freinds for easier transition. bottom line is ... my heart bleeds for them.

Name: tiresmokr New Member

I am in the same boat so I can only tell you how I feel about it. I would suggest that if either one of you have a place to stay (friend/family member) that you explore that option and tell the kids that you are just taking a break (plus, it will give you a good indication if it is really what you want). I am actually thinking about putting the ball back in my court. I am thinking about making a marriage counselling appointment and then telling my husband the day and time and that if he chooses not to attend that I will take it that he does not think our marriage is salvagable and that I will then start the proceedings for a legal separation (He has to be aware up front what the consequences are for him not to attend). I am thinking that I will also tell him that if a legal separation is started that it would be in the best interest of our children if he went to live with his brother as I work from home and have nowhere to stay with 2 children...I'm no expert so only you will be able to say what is right for you...Good luck!!