Ask Ivana: July 2002

My new girlfriend seems to be set against receiving gifts. I want to spoil and pamper her with presents and treats, but she gets very uncomfortable if I try to give her anything. She won't even let me pay when we go out for dinner. She doesn't mind giving gifts, but she really doesn't like to get them. Do you have any idea why this might be? Is there anything I can do to change her mind?
- Wondering in Chicago

Dear Wondering,
If your new girlfriend doesn't want gifts, then don't give her any for the time being. Perhaps she needs more time to get to know you before accepting your gifts. I have received letters from women who were appalled when their boyfriends believed that buying them dinner or giving them a gift gave them the "green light" to have sex.

My husband is going through a mid-life crisis. We've been together for 23 years, and I thought we were happy. He received a promotion a couple of years ago, and the stress caused him to have a sort of breakdown. Since then, we've had an on-again-off-again relationship. We have constant fights, but we exercise together every day and are sexually active with each other. I am not worried about another woman. He seems to be lost inside of a shell with no outlook in life. Does male menopause really exist? Do they really get numb and not know what to do? He claims our separation is based on bad feelings he cannot describe. What should I do?
- Lost in San Francisco

Dear Lost,
I wish I could answer your question with a "yes" or "no". I have read many articles, however, which speculate about "male menopause", but I can't honestly say that I have ever come across a study that says it actually exists. There is, of course, the aging process, which does exist and can be devastating to the male ego. Many men like to believe that they haven't lost their sexual appeal and welcome the approach of flirting temptresses, but I don't believe this is the case with your husband. He just seems to be totally stressed out, overworked, and confused about his feelings about you, himself, and the world for that matter. I believe this spells out: "take a break from it all and do something fun." Remember, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!